“Do you really believe me, Xue Jiayue?" pressed Xu Yanwen. His handsome face suddenly clouded, and even the surrounding temperature was decreased a few degrees. Xue Jiayue felt a sudden chill creep over her.
"I..." she tried to answer him.
"You don't really believe me, do you?" but before Xue Jiayue could say something, Xu Yanwen interrupted her.
He saw through her mind at a mere glance. The gleam of joy that Xue Jiayue had brought to him by taking his hand suddenly disappeared. He had been so touched by her active intimacy that he failed to think the whole thing properly just now. At the moment, he came to understand that she would do that way, she would come and take his hand, and say that she believed him, only because she wanted to appease his feelings so that he would not have to contend with Cheng Wei. He had just ignored all these, but now when he calmed himself down, he realized the truth that Xue Jiayue did not believe him at all. She was only trying to help Cheng Wei..
Abruptly, Xu Yanwen let go of his hold on Xue Jiayue's hand, and Xue Jiayue felt that the warmth on her hand was instantly replaced by a chill. It seemed that there was a cold wind coming over her blowing straight into her heart.
Xue Jiayue moved her fingers and then shrunk them together, as if she would feel better in this way.
She hadn’t figured out how to answer Xu Yanwen’s question, when his deep voice came to her ear again, “Xue Jiayue, you used to say that you love me, you wanted to marry me, and you even set a trap for me to marry you. In fact, you are lying to me, aren’t you?"
“Well?” Xue Jiayue was a little embarrassed. She didn't know how to respond to his questions. As for love, she knew that the original really loved him and wanted to marry him from young. Even if she was finally sent to an asylum, she still kept him in her heart.
But why should he ask this way? He supposed she's lying to him? But how could he use the word "trap"? The original had devoted so much to loving him, but he ignored it, only took it as a lie to him?
Xue Jiayue felt it difficult to understand about their love, while, in fact, Xu Yanwen was nervous and edgy. He was recalling in his mind what Xue Jiayue had once said:
"I don't love him at all. I only love his money. I marry him, and I can be Mrs. Xu, which means a lifetime of food, clothing and worry-free!" "
"...... You can't blame me for my despicable means to get married. I need money."
Xu Yanwen shook his head, trying to force this part of uncomfortable memory out of his mind. He stared at the eyes of Xue Jiayue, as if he wanted to enter her inner mind to see what she was really thinking deep there.
But it was a pity that he could see nothing there. He tried hard to ask what had deep in his heart, "Xue Jiayue, tell me the truth: have you really ever loved me?"
Hearing this question, Xue Jiayue suddenly felt it was very ridiculous. The original had been in deep love with him, but he repeatedly stated that he had for her only the brother and sister sentiment but not the love between man and woman. He even knelt straight in front of Grandpa Xu, begging him to withdraw his decision of their marriage engagement.
At the time being, the original was gone, and she transmigrated into Xue Jiayue. However, she did not want to follow the original plot, she did not want to fall in love with him, and she only hoped that he and the heroine could have an early HE(happy ending), so that she, as a female supporting role, could be free. However, at this very critical moment, he came to ask if she had ever loved him. Was there something wrong with him?
“Answer me!” demanded Xu Yanwen. Seeing Xue Jiayue kept silent, he grabbed her arm while his eyes angrily fixed on her.
Xue Jiayue smiled at his sullen face and said, "I should ask you this question. Have you really ever loved me? At the time when I did love you, where was your heart? "
Xu Yanwen paused for a while, and then tried to explain, "We are husband and wife." "
"Yeah, we're a couple, but that’s the result of the trap I set." Xue Jiayue felt a tide of emotion welling up in her. It didn’t seem to be hers and completely out of her control. She spoke directly to Xu Yanwen, "I used to try so hard to love you, please you, and behave myself, but you pushed me away again and again, breaking my heart over and over, and making me so sad, so I want to ask you this time: did you ever love me?"
After taking a breath, Xue Jiayue continued, "Later, I gradually understand, and I've come round to the idea now. I have learned not to love you, but to live my own life. I am trying to improve myself. However, you suddenly came to ask me such a question. Do you think it's funny? Or do you think it’s fun to play with me? "
The first half of her speech came from the original’s consciousness, and it’s also what she had long wanted to make clear. The latter part was from the bottom of Xue Jiayue’s heart. Since her transmigration, she had been striving for a change. She wanted to adapt to this new time and space, waiting for a suitable opportunity to stay away from Xu Yanwen.
However, the development did not seem to shift according to her will. Some things were changing and became inconsistent with the original plot. All these were beyond her control.
Xu Yanwen was the wild card in the picture. He was a living individual, a person who could think. When the surrounding personnel changed, his thoughts also changed.
Xue Jiayue's remarks, were undoubtedly a head-on blow to him. At first, he was angry about Xue Jiayue's affair with Cheng Wei. He felt that she didn't trust him enough. In the hospital, he had found that Cheng Wei's feelings for her were unusual. The relationship between them two was too good, better than that of ordinary colleagues. Thus he thought it was Cheng Wei that caused the trouble, but now from what Xue Jiayue said, he immediately understood that the problem was not Xue Jiayue's, nor Cheng Wei's, but his own. It’s all because of his repeated refusal and rejection before, that he had hurt Xue Jiayue's heart and pushed her away from him.
This knowledge made Xu yanwen collapse all of a sudden. The situation was like a big round balloon filled with a lot of gas. The bigger the balloon was, the more it was going to burst open at any moment. Suddenly the balloon was punctured by a needle, and the gas suddenly leaked out. Thus the whole balloon was completely deflated at last. It could never burst again
At the moment, Xu Yanwen was the balloon that could never burst again..
"I'm sorry, Jiayue. I shouldn't have been angry with you. I'm wrong," Xu Yanwen apologized sincerely. He wanted to reach out to take Xue Jiayue by the hand to re-establish their good relationship.
This time, however, Xue Jiayue took her hand back and kept his away, so the meaning of refusal was very obvious.
"Things are not as simple as you said. This world is not the place where you can get angry when you say you are angry. It’s also not the world that you can make it up when you want to make peace with me. In this world, everyone has his own temper, so there is no a definite rule that who has to follow whom, "
said Xue Jiayue lightly and after a pause, she went on, “I’m tired.”
She was indeed physically and mentally tired.
Xu Yanwen, looking at Xue Jiayue, felt a sudden of panic. He hurriedly tried again to take her hand.
This time, Xue Jiayue failed to escape. She just wanted to break free, but Xu Yanwen noticed her intention in advance and hurriedly caught her hand and held it tightly. He gazed at her and said earnestly, "Jiayue, if you are tired, you just have a rest. Let me love you and take care of you, ok? Just like what you did before, I'll try my best to love you. I promise. "
He said he would take care not only of her, but also of her feelings. He was trying to make peace with her, asking her to give him a chance to mend fences with her.
But how was it possible now?
Feelings were like porcelain. Once there were cracks, even if it was mended, marks were still there!
Besides, Xue Jiayue was not the original. She did not have so deep feelings for him. Even if the original did leave her the consciousness of her attachment and love to Xu Yanwen, the fact was still there that their outcome would not be good, because those feelings had long been suppressed, and there were only few left.
Xue Jiayue looked up at Xu Yanwen, and her lips curved into a smile. The smile was so beautiful and sweet that it triggered a glimmer of hope in Xu yanwen's heart. However, what Xue Jiayue said in the next second made Xu Yanwen's heart fall to the rock bottom again.
"Don't force yourself. We have been wrong from the start, so why should we stick to it? These days, you and I have been trying to be careful, as if treading on thin ice, and striving to maintain the surface of harmony and warmth in our marriage. In fact, these are just false. You are tired as I am. We are both not happy, so why not stop now?" said Xue Jiayue seemingly reminding herself too.
Xu Yanwen felt he had never been so helpless. Before, he only took Xue Jiayue as his younger sister, and he was even annoyed by her feelings for him. He resented her saying that she only valued his money but not him. He refused to accept her. He had been so ignorant of her for so long.
But when the very person in front of him said that she was tired and that she did not want to continue, he felt panicked, like the quicksand slipping through his fingers. He was at a loss for what to do next.
He used to think that as he grew older and more experienced, he would become more and more adept at dealing with everything. There was no problem that could be difficult for him.
Now, however, right in front of him, there was a problem that was puzzling him.
He had mouthed that he would take care of her, but he seldom put that in deeds; he had given her a lot he thought she wanted, but those were never what she really needed. He seemed to have been trying in the wrong direction.
This was true from the rational analysis, but emotionally, Xu Yanwen did not want to admit his failure. He had grown up with Xue Jiayue. He knew well she was such a soft-hearted girl. He believed if he was really sincere to keep her, she should give him this opportunity.
He reached out and took Xue Jiayue by the hand while pleading, "Jiayue, I've been working hard these days, so will you give me another chance? Don't kick me out of the game only because of today's incident, ok? "
Xue Jiayue finally understood, and put everything into context. No wonder these days she felt Xu Yanwen's attitude changed. She used to wonder what was going on. It was not until hearing what Xu Yanwen had just said that she finally got the conclusion,
"You mean we should have a serious talk. We should be an honest couple and follow Grandpa's arrangement that every weekend we should go back to the old house to live, right? In fact, these are all you plan, aren’t they?”
From the beginning, she had felt something was wrong, but she could not tell what it was. At last, she found out that it turned out to be this case.
Xu Yanwen didn't expect his method was so soon discovered by her, but this time, he could never admit it.
He hurriedly argued, " It's not what you think..."
“Haha!” Xue Jiayue sneered. She shook him off and turned to leave.
Xu Yanwen stood there, with nothing in his hand and watched Xue Jiayue leaving.
There was a voice in his heart reminding him that their problem was still left unsettled, and that he couldn’t let her go, or she would really fly away like a blown off kite…
As it is, before you can say Jack Robinson, Xu Yanwen put on a spurt and caught up with Xue Jiayue. From behind he tightly hugged her.
The author’s note--
Xu Yanwen: I love you.
Xue Jiayue: ...